Self Awareness – Becoming Me

Paul Bayley — Individual and Relationship Counsellor

Self awareness is sometimes scoffed at as just navel gazing. Too much of a good thing is not always the best. If you gaze at your navel all the time, you will need to be careful as you will surely walk into something!

Get the balance right and it is a practice that will result in greater self confidence, an ability to handle stress more successfully and a means to understand yourself and others, which results in more meaningful relationships.

But the question always pops up, how do I develop the skills to become self aware?

There are a number of ways. You could read books on the subject, browse the internet but I think the most effective way is to engage the help of a professional, who could be a counsellor like myself, a psychologist, a yoga or meditation teacher. Make sure it is someone whom you can trust, who will not impose their values or beliefs on you but will assist and support you in clarifying and developing your own.

Being self aware greatly increases our ability to communicate clearly and so develop more satisfying and workable relationships. In a world that is changing so quickly it has become increasingly important to be adaptable in order to maintain healthy relationships.

If self awareness is such a wonderful thing that can enrich our lives, why aren’t more people actively pursuing this goal? I believe the answer is that we often forget to take time for ourselves, even if it is just a moment here and there, to stay aware of who we are and what we think and what we feel.

How do I become self aware?

Take a moment every now and again to ask yourself questions such as:

What am I thinking?

What am I feeling?

I can remember a time in my life when I was asked this question and I honestly did not have any idea what they were asking me. I subsequently realised that it is actually a skill which some people pick up when they are children but for others it’s a skill you can learn later in life.

What am I doing with my body? (ie read your own body language – another skill you can learn at any stage in your life.)

What am I sensing? (seeing, smelling, touching, tasting, hearing.)

What do I stand for? What are my values? We pick most of these up when we are very small and they are usually the values of those around us. Are they the values we wish to have as our own? It is also interesting to note how the values of society and individuals have changed over the last one hundred years. This has come about through individuals reassessing what is important to them and adjusting to the changing times.

What do I want? This is a matter of knowing what motivates you and what you see as your goals.

What don’t I want?

What motivates me?

What are my goals and what are my likes and dislikes? I can remember when my dad was alive and I would ask him what he would like for dinner. He would always say, “I don’t care, whatever you choose is fine with me.” I never knew what he really liked as he either did not know or was too polite to tell me. It made it difficult to really get to know him on a deeper level, not just because he would not say what he wanted for dinner but because he would rarely voice a clear opinion. He always put others first and rarely thought of himself and because of that he was not very self aware.

Developing self awareness is a process which can be challenging, exciting, puzzling and at times somewhat unsettling but I have always found it worthwhile and rewarding. As we explore all of these questions we are actually going through the process of developing our self awareness and getting in touch with who we really are, and so enriching our lives and the lives of those around us.

Sydney-based relationship and individual counseling expert Paul Bayley is a regular contributor to the celebrated ‘Natural Health Booster’ fortnightly ezine with 1,000+ subscribers. If you’re ready to optimise your health, wellbeing and fertility, get your FREE tips now at www.boostyourhealthnow.com or www.boostyourfertilitynow.com.

Paul has private consultations available, to make an appointment please phone Julia or Carolina on 1300 85 84 90.